"By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world — our faith.”

- 1 John 5:2-4

HAHAHA omg cracks me up every time

Sun & Moon
Hidden gem from Response. Wowww, how have I not listened to this song more carefully until now…

God I wanna let You know
I love everything You are
I’m waiting for the morning light to show
A fire in the dark

Shine Your light, I wanna feel You now
God I need a miracle
Take my heart, make it glow
Shine Your light from the inside out
I wanna be more like You
If You are the sun, I wanna be the moon

I won’t take another step without Your light.

mpolinar:

When I tell people I’m a “loner,” not many seem to believe me because I seem to know “everybody.” But the truth is, that is the truth. I’m a loner.

During my growing up years, I enjoyed being in my room - alone. I went to school, did my homework, played my instruments, did my chores, and went to rehearsals (choir, orchestra, etc.) - sounds pretty boring.  I got along with everyone (as far as I knew) but I had no intense connection with many of my friends. I was pretty detached - sadly. My true happiness consisted of being confined in my room dreaming up a life - a better one. Obviously, there were other details in the story but let’s move on… 

This was the time when Twitter, Facebook, and other social networking outlets didn’t really exist. I was taught to be a “dreamer” and to have a “vision” for the future. One of my all-time favorite quotes growing up was, “Vision is the art of seeing the invisible.” (Jonathan Swift) So while I was going through all the growing pains, that’s what I did to cope… I imagined a future. I guess now looking back, I have carved out a space in my mind to be just that… a dreamer.

Music just happened to be something that I did - engrained in my system. I didn’t do music because I was wanting to be popular or strived to be superstar …I didn’t even think that it would turn into a career. My family initially had other plans for me and I actually agreed with them at one point. But music did serve as an introduction to strangers that I, Melissa Polinar, actually exist. It served almost as a door to the outside world. I had no “master plan” but all I knew was whatever it is that I’ll end up doing or becoming… It had to make sense internally - spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. So little did I know, music was it. It found me or I found it. I don’t know.

Years have gone by and I’m here… one of those singer/songwriters. I’ve written songs, sang them onstage, and have had awesome opportunities along the way to meet and work with wonderful and beautiful people. I’ve learned how to be friendly. I now know how to connect. The best part is that I’ve learned to love people’s stories and learned to know them deeper than just what kind of clothes they’re wearing… I’ve learned to empathize, to love them as they are, and to tag them along my journey (or vice versa) - and not to merely strive to be the “life of the party” because I’m just not that kind of girl. However, I’m that person who’ll talk (or sing) to you AFTER the party is over and when everyone has left. So being that loner kid created this “make-up” inside of me to process the world with a different set of lens. 

I guess I’ve identified myself as a “socialized loner.” Because at the end of the day, I’m still that kid who enjoys being in my head dreaming and song-dreaming. I don’t know if this is in any way “outgrow’able.” It just part of my fabric. In theory, I can change but I like being this way.

Things have been moving so quickly lately. Since a week ago, to be exact.

I felt such an immense urge to blog since after FNL last week. It had been a whirlwind of a week - having taken my first exam in nursing school on day 4, completed 2 papers and who-knows-how-many-physical-assessment-modules, and sat in Fagin 104 or 118 for 11 hours a day.

Friday had already started out great - it was the day after we got our first evaluation over with, and our Nursing 101 professors had decided to dismiss us an hour and a half earlier than scheduled, which meant that I could go to FNL (!!). At 7:30PM, I practically flew out of Fagin, past lower quad gate, across Spruce, and into Cohen Hall.

Having been back home for the month between graduation and nursing school, I had not attended Friday service for a while. I walked in, and the sweet presence of God enveloped and moved me to pour out thanksgiving. It was the first chance that I had had last week to just pause and reflect, and the Lord filled my heart with so much joy and gratitude. So here goes - I’m thankful for:

  • His presence. For it is breath, strength, life itself.
  • The accelerated second degree nursing program. That I was able to finish out my first degree in a subject I grew to love and still pursue His calling in another field - indeedy, having my cake and eating it too. nom
  • All of the administrative staff of Fagin. I’ve been a part of Penn Nursing for a week and they’ve already made me feel so much at home - with all the free food, advising opportunities, and orientation activities. I’m sure they’ll stop spoiling us soon haha but they’re a fantastic group of people and I love them so much.
  • My cohort - such passion, intellect, experience, compassion, and fun all rolled into one. I will spend my 18 months in the program wondering how I came to count myself among them. Truly fantastic individuals with such zeal to love people, impact healthcare, and change the world.
  • My professors. They do not only facilitate but absolutely savor dialogue with students - and truly desire for us to succeed. They’re another group of wonderful people who have welcomed us with open arms, and an integral part of what makes Penn Nursing the amazing place that it is.

We’re all facing another crazy week, with our first clinical experience, two more exams, and additional writing assignments coming up - prayers would definitely be appreciated because I be strugg-LINNN’. I’d be lying if I said waking up for 8:00AM lecture and not getting home until 9:00PM isn’t wearing me out a little but I have never been this tired and happy at the same time. I will never forget that it is by the grace of the Lord that I am where I am and am able to do the things I do. Thank You Lord, always, for guiding me, especially when I do not realize that I am lost. Thank You Lord, that You have created me in Your image, that You fill my soul with passion and love that can only be of You.

In my 4+ years at Penn, our motto has never rung as true as it does now:
Leges sine moribus vanae. Laws without morals are in vain. (I-know-this-isn’t-exactly-biblical-but-AMEN.)

Full steam ahead to another week. The goal? To look to Him with every breath, every stroke of my pen, every word I exchange with my peers and professors.

To praise the Lord.